Contour Regard
by SeedOfUnease
Summary: Pearl tells Steven about the first time she fused with Rose. Written for Pearlrose Week. Contains a small amount of body horror.


Hmm? What is it, Steven?

…the first time your mother and I fused? You want to hear about that?

Goodness, I haven't thought about that in _centuries_.

Have a seat, then. I'll see how much I can remember.

* * *

The first time… oh, it must've been ten thousand years ago. At least. The war had just broken out- your mother and her armies against Homeworld.

She and I were sitting in her quarters, discussing tactics, when all of a sudden, she stopped and looked at me.

"You know, Pearl…" she said, "there's one advantage we haven't been factoring in."

"What's that?" I asked.

And she _smiled_ at me. Ah… when she smiled at me, Steven, it made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. Like I was more than I was.

…there I go, rambling again. Anyway.

She said it was fusion.

I was shocked. And honestly a little _appalled_. I'd had it drilled into me that fusion was anathema.

…that means it's really bad and you shouldn't do it.

You see, Steven, Homeworld teaches that we need to accept our position in life. We Pearls, for example, may be an underclass, but we still contribute in our own way. I mean, it's not like the Quartzes are going to do their own cooking and cleaning.

Yes, yes, I know we split up the chores here. I never said Homeworld was _right_.

So, fusion is basically a way to be something you're not. To upset the natural order. They told us all these horror stories of Gems who went rogue and started fusing, taking turns fighting and building and writing and… in the end, they said, the fusions took them over. They forgot how to be themselves. And that was how they ended up- one massive blob of limbs, unable to do anything except scream in pain.

I know, it is horrible. If it were real. I mean, Garnet's spent _millennia_ fused- Ruby and Sapphire stay together because they _want_ to, not because they _can't_.

That was Rose for you. I believe it was Shakespeare who once asked us, "Do you have the power to let power go?" Rose certainly did-

Oh, it was Kanye West? My bad. After so many years, it gets hard to remember these things.

Her army was made up of us. Square pegs who didn't fit in the round holes that Homeworld made for us. Defects, fusers, Gems from different castes who'd fallen in love… none of us the same, but all united by the thought that things could be better.

So as you can imagine, I thought she was making some kind of sick joke at first. And then, when she explained that she _wasn't_ … I was afraid.

What if we didn't do it right? What if we got stuck and couldn't unfuse? What if… what if Homeworld was right?

And she just gave me this look, and then she hugged me. Hard. And then she said, "Oh, Pearl… you don't have to do this if you don't want to. But…"

She looked… unsure of herself. I'd never seen her like that before.

"I've done research. As a Diamond… I have access to things my sisters would like to keep hidden. I've read testimonies of fusers who were shattered, under-the-table experiments done on fusion… everything I could get my hands on."

She clenched a fist. "They lied to you, Pearl. _We_ lied to you. To everyone."

She looked at me, looked _through_ me, and just kept talking in this… I don't even know how to describe it. It sounded calm, but I had the feeling there was rage bubbling under it somewhere. Not directed at me. Directed at Homeworld… and… and at herself.

"They tried to force Gems to fuse, and it didn't happen. They could force them to _unfuse_ \- by hurting them, by threatening them… but not the other way. So they concluded you can only fuse if you trust each other."

She was silent. I wasn't really sure how to respond. You know me- I've never been the best conversationalist.

So after a while, just to break the silence, I asked her:

"Have you ever fused with… anyone else before?"

She frowned. " _I_ haven't, but Ruby and Sapphire have."

They'd been some of the first to join up, when the rebellion became… I don't know, formally declared? The point is, Garnet and I go way back. Almost as far back as Rose and I.

Stop grinning at me, Steven. We weren't _dating_ or anything, just friends.

I am _not_ blushing! It's just… hot in here all of a sudden!

…moving on.

"And they've stayed fused for _weeks_ at a time," she continued. "and nothing bad happened. Sometimes they unfuse. Most of the time… they don't. They like it too much."

So I looked her in the eyes, and I said, "Then I'm ready."

She stood up, and I stood up, and I took her hand… and then we danced. It was… a bit awkward at first, since it was our first time. I'd never even danced before, _period_. But it wasn't too hard to figure out.

She led, I followed, and I felt this _warmth_ in my gem. I'm sure you have too, when you fused with Connie that one time. And then, she took me in her arms, and lifted me in the air, and… and she kissed me.

Oh goodness, I'm getting all misty-eyed. Can you pass me one of those tissues?

…thank you, Steven.

I don't know if you've kissed anyone yet, but… well, it already feels like you're sinking into the other person. Becoming one with them.

I still had no idea that it was going to feel like…

Oh, I don't even know how to explain it. I guess… part of me was still Pearl, another part of me was Rose, and the rest was Rainbow Quartz. And part of me was sitting back and watching through her eyes, and part of me was… well, her.

We didn't do all that much. We… she… walked around the room a little, then we walked out and just stared into space. All those stars… the stars are so beautiful, Steven. I hope someday you'll get to see them up close.

Then we split apart, and, well, that's about it.

…I never know how to end these things.

* * *

Hm? Oh yes, we fused plenty of times after that. During the war, after the war…

One of these days, I'll tell you about the last time.

I've often wondered, Steven. When a Gem… dies, or is shattered, what happens to the fusions they're a part of? Do they die too? Or do they still exist, somewhere?

No no, Steven! Don't apologize! This isn't your fault.

But yes, I suppose if you and I were to fuse, Rainbow Quartz would come back…

…you know, when you get that fire in your eyes, you remind me of your mother. Her determination.

All right, Steven. Follow my lead.

 _One, two, three, four…_


End file.
